Day 26. Things I’d Say to an Ex

Hello Readers. Hope you are doing well as we start a new week. How was your weekend? Mine was okay. I was in the house having some “me time”. The challenge for today is on things I’d say to an ex. I’ll summarize the things i’d say to not just one ex but all of them, don’t worry about how many they might be. Ready to ride with me? Lets go.

  • You made me learn so much . I have never found someone that matches your brevity. You taught me many things that I could never learn on my own even with my relatives around and all that in a strange city.How you told me to kiss with my eyes closed so that I concentrate on it heartily because when I open my eyes while kissing, the concentration won’t be there as my mind would be wandering around. I might even see someone I know and then stop in the middle of a kiss. Very funny but that’s how courageous and bold you’d get when you tell me things I didn’t know. Perhaps it was your maturity that made you bold as I was still young in love and naive , Gosh.
  • I was not ready. You were too quick and rushed things when all felt strange to me. I couldn’t cope with that and above all you were very temperamental. Everything I said got you annoyed . Oh! and you were very jealous. You wanted to know my whereabouts and everything in was doing . I couldn’t stomach such behaviour that’s why I had to call it quits in a short period of time.
  • You were too proud and Arrogant. Even though we shared common things , your pride was worse. You Kept boasting about this and that and even became too arrogant to be told anything. I couldn’t tolerate it that’s why I walked away.
  • You are such a darling. You loved sincerely and we didn’t know at what point we had fallen in love. You were thoughtful of what you’d say to me. You introduced me to your family members something am still glad about since you were the only one who made the effort to introduce me to a real family not of sister or uncle . A real one with parents and siblings. It take guts to do that. I still can’t believe it. Your siblings loved me except your younger sister. That girl was so stubborn if it was in another world different from love world I could have disciplined her with a slap everytime she looked at me like that. All your close friends became my friends too. We were from different worlds, in terms of religion but love knows no boundaries. It cuts across. You remember the first time I told you that I’ve never been to that particular beach and would wish to go someday and you took the initiative to take me there. I felt like I had won lottery. I even mingled with the mijikenda so well and learnt more on the nine tribes it’s made up of. I learnt how to differentiate them through the language they use . All thanks to you and your friends. I met you during holidays and didn’t know much about you but just got attracted to you, only to realise that you were still in school and I was ahead of you. That alone had put me in a very awkward position as I couldn’t believe it. Even though we were of the same age , the idea that I was ahead of you in education couldn’t make me be at peace. When I moved from that residential area , I walked out on that relationship as well and you never heard from me. Am sorry.
  • I have no words for you. If you’ll be reading this , I know you’ll realise am talking about you. Am sure you’ll see the heading of the blog and will rush here within seconds. You made me cry like a baby,I have never cried that way for a man. I’ve been heartbroken before and I was the one walking away and not vice- versa. You went silent on me. At one point, I thought I was forcing myself on you. You couldn’t answer me when I asked you that question . I gave my tender heart to you and you crushed it mercilessly and all that via text message. Nothing breaks the heart like a text break-up. And what did you say? That may be I expected much from you and you were not giving it and that you were confused? What kind of joke is that? After being with you for that while, I least expected such words to come from your mouth. May be I deserved better because I just wanted someone to hold on, a shoulder I could cry on and someone who I could share my pain with but you refused that. I even did your laundry something i’ve never done to anyone before because we had a future together and had beautiful dreams of a small family with a beautiful girl as you said that you wanted to have a daughter. Even though I wasn’t ready for a child at that time, it was a beautiful music to my ears and I held on to it. All these just became fantasy when you trashed my heart. You made me see love as a joke and have never believed in it ever since. I hope you are happy now. I Know You are Not.

I still talk to some of them when I meet them. Maturity calls for such. I can’t get annoyed even though we were hurt before. Greetings and some nice talk here and there ,then go our ways. Some are my friends on social media and we interact as if nothing happened. Everyone is on their own moving on swiftly. I’ve never met some though. I wonder how they are fairing. I hope they are okay and happy. What else can one wish for if not a happy life?

Day 3. My first Love and first Kiss

I grew up in a religious family setting. I had good morals and falling in love was like a taboo at that time especially to us girls. We were considered vulnerable by the society. My parents worked till late at night so I had the whole day for myself in the house. Coming from a well known family is the worst thing to happen to someone in love especially a young girl. My parents were known in town and wherever I went my mother would know from her friends who saw me.

I was in high school when we relocated to a nearby place around town. My school was some few kilometers away. One time when the schools were almost closing, a friend of mine gave me a revision book and told me to return it after a while. When I took the book back, he gave me a small envelope and told me to go read it later. You can imagine how I felt receiving the envelope. I wanted to know what was inside. I rushed to the washroom to check it out but after closing myself inside, I opened it to read but heard footsteps of other girls approaching so I stopped , closed the envelope and hid it in my pocket as I ran to class. I could have been caught reading it and get punished even without knowing what it was about. I went to class and couldn’t concentrate. My mind was full of questions on what the letter contained and if it was directed to me or not.

I was very thankful to God because it was holiday period and no one knew where I stayed. How wrong I was. One day I was going to the nearby market when I saw the guy. I wonder why such coincidences always happen. You meet the person you less expect to find at certain places at the wrong time. I tried to dodge him, but no, he had already seen me. I had no other way out except to go and say hello. After talking for a while he asked me if I had read the letter he had given me and what my response was. I was very genuine and told him I wasn’t ready yet. He was patient and told me he will wait till the day I would accept. I took it as a joke because there was no way the stubborn me was going to agree to that. Agreeing meant romance, I feared pregnancy because most girls who were in love at that age were already pregnant. I started imagining how I could face the world in case that happened to me.

The next day the school was closed and I hadn’t had the time to read the letter. I waited till my parents went to work and locked all rooms and opened it. I was so nervous and shaking and I felt like someone was gonna find me trespassing like that. Finally, I got the courage to calm down and read. It wasn’t long though, it was very short and precise. The guy was expressing his love to me and was asking for my consent if I could accept him because he loved me. All along we had been friends, laughing talking about everything but I had never thought it would reach a point where he’d ask me to be his girlfriend. My body became numb, I couldn’t hold my breath. Trickle of sweat could be seen from my face. I rushed to my bedroom and hid the letter in my box and locked it.

As days went by, we met coincidentally and I still maintained with my my big NO. He was not giving up and every time he went home with a sad face, a disappointed face but he kept his shoulders high.He gave me his phone number . I didn’t have a phone in the fist place so how could I communicate to him? He waited and waited.

On the fateful day, I met him at a recreation park in town and hey! he was looking sharp. All the other days I had met him he looked ordinary but this day, all was different. We had a good time talking about this and that and for the first time I felt attracted to him. I could hear my heart beat faster than usual and wondered what was wrong with me. It was approaching dusk and I told him I had to rush home before my parents came. I lied and wanted to get away from the feeling I was experiencing. He noticed, and looked at me in the eye. Nothing came from my mouth. I had a lot to say but my mouth became heavy. We started walking home as we laughed.

On our way he asked if I had decided and what my decision was. I held my breath and told him I was ready and after giving it a thought I was willing to accept him come what may. He couldn’t believe it, so he asked again, this time I just t said it was true and I had agreed. There and then, he stopped walking and I had to stop as well and ask why we were stopping beside the road and it was dark already. He came closer to me, held my hand and looked directly into my eyes and said,

” Say it again,”

” Yes,” I answered.

I could feel butterflies in my stomach. I stood still ,confused and feeling funny until a kiss landed on my lips. I felt adrenaline go up . What just happened? I didn’t reply the kiss because I had not expected it. In that moment of confusion he hugged me with his warm body and everything made sense. I was in love and I loved him. My heart knew it though I couldn’t say it . Out of the blues he said the words , “I LOVE YOU”. That was it. I believed him. I was not ready to say the words but he could feel my heart beat and knew my reply. And so that place became our special rendezvous.

From that day, till we completed high school we kept the love alive. At school we behaved normally to avoid suspicions and only a few friends knew the kind of relationship we had. He introduced me to all his relatives and they all loved me. I only showed him my parents at a glance because I couldn’t risk it. I could not, Never Ever. Two years we kept it strong making promises and thinking of the future together.

We didn’t know what kind of future awaited us and so after finishing our final exams I was going to another city far away and promised to keep in touch. It was so painful leaving him behind but we had to survive. We kept communicating over the phone until I stopped checking on him. We had moved on with our lives in different cities and were counting one and a half years since we saw each other. Surely we were not going to wait, my other friends at home told me he got a new girlfriend so I had to cut myself out however painful it was.

It has been seven years since I last saw him on the day I was saying goodbye. I wonder how he’s fairing on, did he forget about me? Was it my fault that I went in a different city far away? I’ve never heard about him since then. Whenever I meet my friends, all they ask me is if I have seen him but I always tell them that I’ve never heard from him. Who knows? Is he married? All these questions always taunt me whenever I think of first love and first kiss because I had loved him and he was the first person I ever loved from the heart. He never took advantage of me. We never got intimate with each other however the strong urge we felt for two years. We were young and could not risk the consequences. He taught me virtues of honesty, trustworthy and patience. We only spoke one language , LOVE .

That’s all for today,

see you tomorrow.

LONGING FOR YOU

Have you ever longed for someone?

Someone you wish to see everyday

Someone you would love to be with

 Someone you would share your problems with

Someone you would open your heart to

Someone you would protect any day anytime

But there is a challenge that limits you from achieving all these.

The challenge might be you or some difficult circumstances or even the person you long for

May be this person is poor in communication, making it difficult to understand him/her.

May be the person has a big ego that always scare you away 
Or may be you haven’t opened your heart to make her understand how you feel for her

Or may be you had a terrible argument that made things turn sour and no one is ready to start this conversation. 

Never mind, am here to sought you out, yes am here to help you that’s why am writing this for you

Just be bold and have some confidence  in you

Take a step and mend that broken heart

Communicate and make her understand you

Express yourself, loose yourself and feel free when around her

This will make it easy for you, even the weight of the pain in your heart will disappear.

After doing all these and the difference is the same, don’t give up.

Rome wasn’t build In a day so keep trying.

May be she just need some time , give her that.

She will soon come running to you and will long for you every second, every minute and every time you are away from her.