Day 30. One Thing I am Excited For.

Finally the challenge is over, why can’t I be excited? Of course I am. It has been a tough month but I thank God for this far.

As we start a new month am looking for new opportunities and fresh challenges and I hope I will conquer them. The challenge kept me on toes until I lost my phone. I am excited because during this challenge I shard my personal life in details something I can’t share verbally with random people. This platform offers the space to share your feelings and as you punch in the keys you feed in all the emotions and let go of all that you’ve been keeping inside you. I got relieved after sharing every part of my personal life and for once, I am feeling good about it. Anyone who doesn’t know me in person can drop here and read all about me in one sitting. That’s why we write, not for others but for ourselves. When I am sad I write, when happy I write.

I want to capture all the beautiful and the sad moments in the earth and live fully knowing that this is a magical and wonderful place. It was also during this challenge that I learnt so many things . I always say learning is a continuous process. You don’t have to sit in class in order to learn. You can learn from anywhere provided you have the right attitude to do so. Sometimes I had to research well in my topic and as you dig down on research you learn as well. Things I didn’t know or those that I thought didn’t matter, I found it hard to believe that I had to write about them. I have 100% honesty in the posts that required something personal. Being honest about yourself and your story can be so good and one feels satisfied after such tasks. I always felt good about myself after writing about my personal life and I am excited about that.

To my challenger,http://j4min.wordpress.com thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my stories throughout the month. I am looking forward to the next challenge not personal though. This was a tough one and it has been 30 days of hell fire for me but thank God I managed to complete it. It’s been wonderful writing regularly and I don’t know if i’ll keep up with this consistency but never mind, there is always a way.

Lastly ,to my wonderful readers, thank you for always reading and getting to know me better. I remember one time when I was still new around here, a writer asked me to write about myself so that other writers and readers could know the person behind the blog well and I promised to do that but sill couldn’t get enough words to describe myself in the ABOUT ME Page. So here is an answer to her, if she reads the 30 day challenge she will get all her answers. Back to you again, thank you for being there for me during this month and I won’t forget about your feedback. They kept me going and physically I met guys who could talk about what they read in my blog and how they relate with them . Even though they don’t comment , they are among those who just read and reflect. That’s special you know, they just read. You won’t find a trace of their readership e.g a comment or a like but when you meet them, they tell you that they’ve been reading everyday and are up to date with the latest posts. Oh! and the friends that could tell me to share my links with them on the Dm, you are loved. Receive warm hugs from me even though I can’t reach you now because am not in whats-app, I know you’ll get to read this somehow .I appreciate all those who read daily, those who encouraged me to keep on, those who liked, those who followed and your honest comments, God bless you. During this time I also got new readers and new followers, thank you so much for hitting that follow button. It means a lot to me and you’ll never regret it.

As we start a new month tomorrow , I wish you all the best in whatever you are doing. We will be having a holiday here so no work tomorrow. I’ll just be lazing around.

Thank you so much guys , God bless you and have a wonderful month ahead.

Day 29. The night of my 21st Birthday.

There is nothing good about my 21st birthday, nothing at all as far as I can remember. It was during those tough moments that I was struggling to mend ways to integrate with everyone. I could smile at school but cry when am back home in my closet.

I am one person who doesn’t fancy birthdays. I’d rather just sit somewhere alone and reflect on my life and not disclose to anyone my whereabouts. People always get excited when they start their early 20’s and such should be the case. There was nothing to be excited about on my end. I kept it to myself. I had quarreled with everyone back home and was in a very bad mood. I knew it was my birthday the day before but after losing my temper on the d-day while on phone with random relatives, I lost it all. Everything changed at that moment and I switched off my phone not to be disturbed by anyone or receive birthday wishes. In fact, I had no friends at that time. One thing I find difficult is to make new friends. I could be smiling and chatting with you everyday but that doesn’t mean we are friends. It takes time for me to confide to someone and call them friends. I was in that house alone , angry at the world and the worst being that it was on my birthday.

At around 8:00 pm I went to buy alcohol for myself to relieve my pain and forget about everything. I enjoyed it alone and undisturbed . Good thing with me is that I could buy alcohol and drive myself home so that I take it where I won’t disturb other people. When I get drunk then it will be in my house and will just wake up the next day. That’s how I was. That’s history now, I don’t drink anymore.

Back to the night, I didn’t know what happened next after getting drunk in my room . I just woke up with a serious headache the following morning and that was it. I didn’t celebrate it. No cake, no Friends, no relatives , no boyfriend, no nothing, just me and myself.

Day 28. A Word/phrase that I use constantly.

This is easy. It happens when am referring to myself when sharing an idea or a story on a subject matter . I oftenly use the word, I . You’ll notice this because I like referring to my own version of the story, my own perspective and what I think of the matter at hand. I will always come first.

Day 27. What I wore Today

It’s Monday and even though am writing this for the day in question, I can’t write it in past tense so i’ll be updating on what am currently putting on.

Mondays and any other week-day is supposed to be official for those of us in such jobs.

So today am very much official from head to toe rocking on a chiffon blouse and a skirt with a pair of closed shoes.

That’s all, I think. Hmmm.

Day 26. Things I’d Say to an Ex

Hello Readers. Hope you are doing well as we start a new week. How was your weekend? Mine was okay. I was in the house having some “me time”. The challenge for today is on things I’d say to an ex. I’ll summarize the things i’d say to not just one ex but all of them, don’t worry about how many they might be. Ready to ride with me? Lets go.

• You made me learn so much . I have never found someone that matches your brevity. You taught me many things that I could never learn on my own even with my relatives around and all that in a strange city.How you told me to kiss with my eyes closed so that I concentrate on it heartily because when I open my eyes while kissing, the concentration won’t be there as my mind would be wandering around. I might even see someone I know and then stop in the middle of a kiss. Very funny but that’s how courageous and bold you’d get when you tell me things I didn’t know. Perhaps it was your maturity that made you bold as I was still young in love and naive , Gosh.
• I was not ready. You were too quick and rushed things when all felt strange to me. I couldn’t cope with that and above all you were very temperamental. Everything I said got you annoyed . Oh! and you were very jealous. You wanted to know my whereabouts and everything in was doing . I couldn’t stomach such behaviour that’s why I had to call it quits in a short period of time.
• You were too proud and Arrogant. Even though we shared common things , your pride was worse. You Kept boasting about this and that and even became too arrogant to be told anything. I couldn’t tolerate it that’s why I walked away.
• You are such a darling. You loved sincerely and we didn’t know at what point we had fallen in love. You were thoughtful of what you’d say to me. You introduced me to your family members something am still glad about since you were the only one who made the effort to introduce me to a real family not of sister or uncle . A real one with parents and siblings. It take guts to do that. I still can’t believe it. Your siblings loved me except your younger sister. That girl was so stubborn if it was in another world different from love world I could have disciplined her with a slap everytime she looked at me like that. All your close friends became my friends too. We were from different worlds, in terms of religion but love knows no boundaries. It cuts across. You remember the first time I told you that I’ve never been to that particular beach and would wish to go someday and you took the initiative to take me there. I felt like I had won lottery. I even mingled with the mijikenda so well and learnt more on the nine tribes it’s made up of. I learnt how to differentiate them through the language they use . All thanks to you and your friends. I met you during holidays and didn’t know much about you but just got attracted to you, only to realise that you were still in school and I was ahead of you. That alone had put me in a very awkward position as I couldn’t believe it. Even though we were of the same age , the idea that I was ahead of you in education couldn’t make me be at peace. When I moved from that residential area , I walked out on that relationship as well and you never heard from me. Am sorry.
• I have no words for you. If you’ll be reading this , I know you’ll realise am talking about you. Am sure you’ll see the heading of the blog and will rush here within seconds. You made me cry like a baby,I have never cried that way for a man. I’ve been heartbroken before and I was the one walking away and not vice- versa. You went silent on me. At one point, I thought I was forcing myself on you. You couldn’t answer me when I asked you that question . I gave my tender heart to you and you crushed it mercilessly and all that via text message. Nothing breaks the heart like a text break-up. And what did you say? That may be I expected much from you and you were not giving it and that you were confused? What kind of joke is that? After being with you for that while, I least expected such words to come from your mouth. May be I deserved better because I just wanted someone to hold on, a shoulder I could cry on and someone who I could share my pain with but you refused that. I even did your laundry something i’ve never done to anyone before because we had a future together and had beautiful dreams of a small family with a beautiful girl as you said that you wanted to have a daughter. Even though I wasn’t ready for a child at that time, it was a beautiful music to my ears and I held on to it. All these just became fantasy when you trashed my heart. You made me see love as a joke and have never believed in it ever since. I hope you are happy now. I Know You are Not.

I still talk to some of them when I meet them. Maturity calls for such. I can’t get annoyed even though we were hurt before. Greetings and some nice talk here and there ,then go our ways. Some are my friends on social media and we interact as if nothing happened. Everyone is on their own moving on swiftly. I’ve never met some though. I wonder how they are fairing. I hope they are okay and happy. What else can one wish for if not a happy life?

Day 25. Four weird traits I have

We are all weird in our own way. Weirdness make us unique. Some of my weird characteristics include:

1. I can stay indoors for a very long time without getting out.Yes, I love being alone and I enjoy my space. I can be in the house and close myself inside that one could think am not around yet am just inside doing my own things. If I have books to read, then that could be more interesting as I can even go for a whole week without stepping outside.
2. I feel guilty easily even when I haven’t done a mistake. I don’t know about you but am always guilty whenever someone commits a crime around me. I always feel terrified you could think I am the one in the wrong. I wonder why I always feel that way.
3. I hate taking medicine. This is a very serious one. My hate for medicine started way too early. I rather get those needles on me than be given medicine. If I am seriously ill, I tend to take the tablets as soon as I get them but after a few days I put them aside and leave them for good. I’ve never completed a full dosage unless it has 3 tablets. More than that is a NO. I can’t just help it especially those large tablets, very scary .
4. Insomniac . I can’t just get to bed early like a normal human being. The earliest I can retire to bed is at midnight. There are times I used to stay for a whole night without blinking an eye only to start sleeping at 6:00 Am. I wonder what was wrong with me at that time.

What are some of your weird traits?

Day 22. My Morning Routine.

My morning starts at 5:30 Am when the alarm calls. I switch it off then wake up. I don’t literally get out of bed though, I stay awake checking through my phone for any email, message or anything that needs quick feedback / attention. I pick a book am currently reading and read through a little bit to brainstorm.

After doing all that I make my bed neatly brush my teeth and start preparing breakfast. If there is much time left , I do some stretches and sit-ups . I then do the utensils, clean the house then take a shower .

When everything is set I prepare for work then take my breakfast quickly . Most of the time I skip it until 10:00 Am , but on serious days when I have to leave the house early I take breakfast at 7:00 Am. I then pray for a successful day ahead, thank God for waking me up in good health, thank him for giving me another day and basically commit everything into His Able hands then leave for work by 7:30 Am.

image : google .

Day 21. My Zodiac/Horoscope and whether I think it fits me.

My horoscope is LIBRA. Yes I was born in October 18th. Libra falls between September 23 -October 22.

The traits it has are as follows;

Strengths: Cooperative,diplomatic, gracious, fair-minded, social

Weaknesses: Indecisive, avoids confrontations, will carry a grudge, self-pity

Libra likes: Harmony, gentleness, sharing with others, the outdoors

Libra dislikes: Violence, injustice, loudmouths, conformity

People born under the sign of Libra are peaceful, fair, and they hate being alone. Partnership is very important for them, as their mirror and someone giving them the ability to be the mirror themselves. These individuals are fascinated by balance and symmetry, they are in a constant chase for justice and equality, realizing through life that the only thing that should be truly important to themselves in their own inner core of personality. This is someone ready to do nearly anything to avoid conflict, keeping the peace whenever possible.

The sign of Libra is an Air sign . They have strong intellect and a keen mind. They will be inspired by good books, insurmountable discussions and people who have a lot to say. Each Libra representative has to be careful when talking to other people, for when they are forced to decide about something that is coming their way, or to choose sides, they suddenly realize that they might be in the wrong place and surrounded by wrong people. No partner should make them forget that they have their own opinion.

It fits me well well.

Information: web

Day 20. The first three songs that play in my music list .

Well, my phone is always my everything and now that I don’t have it let me just give you my random playlist.

I mostly listen to uplifting songs especially Gospel that preach to me.

Paul Clement: Jina la Yesu

This simply means the name of Jesus . The song praises the name of Jesus that there is no other name like His in Earth and even in Heaven. It’s a deep and inspiring worship song. Besides, this worshiper also have some of the best Swahili worship songs. You can check them on YouTube.

You made away by Travis Greene

This explains itself that we are here only because God made a way for us. I love his songs because they speak to the heart.

Umejua kunifurahisha by Joel Lwaga

This translates to ”you know how to make me happy”. Basically the song is praising God of his nature of knowing how to make us happy as individuals. He wipes my tears so I will praise him to eternity.

Day 19. Five Fears that I have

There are things I tend to be afraid of. Even hearing the name scares the hell out of me. They include;

1. Nyctophobia/Fear of Darkness. I am so afraid of darkness that I always sleep with lights on and am very much comfortable with it. In cases where I am not alone and I sleep where other people are, I am always the last to sleep as I survey my surrounding. I check for every space one can escape from in case of danger. The reason is because as a teenager I experienced robbery at night in our house alone with my siblings and mum. It was a terrifying moment that I never want a repeat of the same. When I go back to the village and night finds me on the way, I always fear the unknown. In fact I don’t even walk properly as I will be checking everywhere as I walk , in front of me, behind me, sideways and my heart beats faster than usual. I just fear darkness.
2. Thanatophobia/ Fear of Death. oh ! man! I fear death seriously. I know very well that we all have to die someday but still I cant even discuss death in a normal way. Whenever I get news that someone I know has passed on, the shivers it brings on me are outrageous. It eats me up, dries my skin to the last bit and leaves me restless for a very long time.
3. Gephyrophobi/Fear of Bridges. I rather pass a bridge by a vehicle or something of the sort but not on foot. It takes me time to get used to crossing a bridge. Even crossing the smallest bridge scares me like the ones in my village, people just put a log there and expects you to cross over seeing the river flowing. My goodness! I once went back to where I came from after finding a big log on the river acting as a bridge. The fear came in as a result of a bad experience. As a little girl, I went to visit my aunt who had twin babies and lived near a lake. I had never passed through the nearby bridge on foot. I always did using a motorbike or a vehicle. So onetime, the kids get sick and she tells me to take her to the hospital . The hospital was just 10 minutes away so we decided to go on foot one baby with her, another with me. When we reached the bridge, a bus was passing by with full speed , it shook the bridge so hard that for a moment I thought I had drowned with the baby, I stood still as my mind reflected on what had happened. I was shaking all over my body and my aunt had to take a taxi to and from the hospital. From that day she didn’t allow me to walk over that bridge again and to date I still see myself in that bridge holding on to the baby tightly in my hands.
4. Acrophobia/Fear of Heights. I can’t risk my life falling from the highest end. No way. I love it when I watch them in movies, people jumping from a high distance and getting to their destination but I can’t risk it at all even if I were capable. I even fear swinging in merry go round. In fact I close my eyes to avoid seeing how far I am from the ground.
5. Philophobia/ Fear of Love. If you’ve been reading my blog since I started the challenge, then you are aware of my fear of love and affection. I am scared of falling in love because I don’t want commitments. I fear emotions. Emotions carry you away and sometimes you cant think straight when you are in love. You don’t listen to the obvious you just think of your love and that’s it, nothing else.

What are you afraid of?