Happy New Year

I have been thinking lately of how beautiful and unrealistic concepts happen in our day today lives. Nothing is planned for and so we have to let everything be. Just let them unfold and live as if it is your last day. Take for instance the COVID-19 Pandemic. It happened at a time no one was expecting it. Life is not a rehearsal; you just live the way you want and that’s how people started copping.

Many people lost their jobs. We were very uncertain of how the next day would be. A bread winner of a family loses their job and all the dependents become stranded. They do not know where to start from and people who live from pay cheque to pay cheque got it rough. It was a terrible disaster. Some went for unpaid leaves; others were fired completely and yet others had to close down for a while. No one prepared us for 2020.

With all the uncertainties it carried, still it was a breakthrough year to some. Either one got promoted after others lost their jobs, or started a new business that did well, new clientele, new hobbies that were constructive, or even new projects. In every bad situation in our lives there is always light at the end of the day. Yes, I am a Christian and I believe that in Gods time, everything will happen for our good.

Masks became the order of the day and not to mention how expensive they were at first. They were so expensive that one was at crossroads whether to buy face masks or buy food. Take for example an average household whose source of income is little and have to struggle to make ends meet. Buying masks became so hard that people walked around with dirty masks and wondered why they had to go through such situations. At some point, the number of people wearing masks became less than those without. Let’s not start with the lockdown and curfew hours.

When I look back, I see people forging ahead. I see people picking themselves up, dusting their coats, wiping their tears and making more steps ahead. I can say I am proud of my generation at this point. Those who were laid back got up and rose to new levels. People started their own businesses and taking risks they had never imagined all in a day’s work and by the next day, they had profits to make. When I look back still, I see young people indulging in different opportunities, creating spaces so others may learn. The online meetings, interviews, conferences became possible and we appreciated technology. At first it was challenging but as we forged ahead it became more interesting. Technology is here to stay and my generation is in it and accepted the change.

The ceremonies became minimal. Others cancelled their weddings and still some hold theirs. This is to those who had their weddings in 2020.Congratulations to you all and I wish you nothing but the best in your marriages. To those who graduated in 2020, Congratulations and make that knowledge count outside here.  To those that lost their loved ones, receive my condolences. To those that cancelled big opportunities, weddings or any other important thing in their lives in 2020, May you reconsider it in 2021. It is my prayer that whatever we lost last year we should reclaim it this year and every loss we had; we should be prepared for big wins.

I wish you a fruitful year full of blessings, Abundance and prosperity.

Cheers to 2021.

Happy New Year!

With Love,

Nicole.

For Mother

Forgive me Mother,

Forgive me for not believing in you when I should have,

Forgive me for not trusting your words,

Forgive me for thinking that you didn’t love me,

Forgive me for not understanding that you only showed love differently,

That all you ever did was to love and care for me,

 And protect me even.

Forgive me for all the harsh words I told you,

That made you cry even when you didn’t have to.

Forgive me for thinking otherwise.

Forgive me for my stubbornness,

Forgive me for my naivety,

Forgive me mother.

I now understand why you did the things you did,

I understand why you said the things you said,

 However, painful and heartful they were,

I know better now.

But, Still, Forgive me.

Dear Mother,

Forgive me.

A Listening Ear.

Humans are very fragile beings on earth. Listening and understanding them can be the most valued treasure. It can be easy for them to confide in you.

The other day I was walking on the streets then decided to pass by some market place. I was checking for anything good to purchase then this young man was busy describing what he was selling. You know how men describe ladies outfits with names that are funny and can make you laugh or look at whatever they are selling,basically that’s their selling points.

So I was busy searching for the best choice then we started conversing. I don’t know how the conversation shifted quickly and before we knew it we had known each other and realized we come from the same place back in the village.

Two strangers meeting in the city but you end up knowing each other at the end of the day. Normally I don’t like conversations that revolve around home but on this particular day I got engaged fully.

The guy narrated how he was an orphan with his only surviving brother. All the relatives abandoned them when their parents died and they had to find a means to survive from a tender age. They don’t go back home because , to them, there is no home to go back to. They survived all the bad days and got courage and started mtumba busines (Selling second hand clothes).

They go to three markets each day and have to beat time to enable them work well. They start with the main market from 5:00am to around afternoon, in the evening they leave the main market and each goes to another market then by night they meet at the last market and close by 10pm. Hustling it is.

In less than 10 minutes, I had known more of him than he knew about me and we didnt know each other so I asked him his name,let’s call him Tom for now. He laughed hysterically since all along he had been pumping me with stories without knowing me.

I learnt a lot from that small exchange, be kind to others even when you don’t know them ,you never know. Someone could be your relative without you knowing and sometimes we should develop a listening ear to everybody irregardless of their status. There are people who wish they had those to talk to or just listen to them.

Sunshine Blogger Award

Guys, a moment of silence please. Yours truly has been nominated for a sunshine blogger award, how wonderful. Am so excited. Thank you very much Yaasotaa for nominating me. I am grateful. I am sorry I didn’t see it immediately that’s why am replying to it today. You know I cant be blamed, right?

Excuses aside, Yaasota is a great poet, that’s how I can describe her. Her poetry moves you and bring still emotions that resonates with your life. Do check her blog yaasotaa.wordpress.com for some amazing poetry to the soul.

Rules for the award :-

• Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog so that others can find them.
• Put the award logo
• List the rules.
• Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
• Nominate 11 bloggers for the award and ask them 11 new questions.
• Notify the nominees about it by commenting on one of their blog post.

Here we go.

Questions asked

1. What is your biggest fear?

Failure. Oh ,In as much as we are told we should not fear failing as it brings a room for improvement, I fear it so much. Every time am doing something , I always want it to look perfect. I can’t just risk failing at whatever i do, it demoralizes me.

2 What brings you to blog?

I have so many things to blog about. Life is full of stories you know. Every time I hear people whispering ,I always see an opportunity to write about it. Everyday of our life we go through series of events that no one is talking about. The things people are not saying but can be felt is what brings me to blogging. I want to share all those stories and moments with everyone so that they can feel that it happens to everyone not them alone.

3. How long you have you been blogging?

Well, this is my third year.

4.What is your favorite music?

I always find this intriguing since I listen to a variety of music. Let me just say music that moves is my favorite.

6.What do you feel proud of?

Am proud of myself and who I am becoming.

My nominees

I won’t do 11 as Yaasotaa , i’ll just nominate five since it will be an easy reminder.

1. Kamal https://boundlessblessingsblog.wordpress.com/
2. Diana Tyler https://lapetitmuse.wordpress.com/
3. Megala, https://megalaskitchen.com/
4. Drag the pen https://dragthepen.wordpress.com/
5. Resh https://reshonlineblog.wordpress.com/

My Questions.

1. What inspires you in life?
2. Where do you see yourself in five years?
3. Any challenge you experience in your writing that bothers you?
4. When did your writing actually paid you off or brought you to limelight?
5. Best experience this year?
6. What don’t we know about you?
7. Where do you come from?
8. What do you like about your culture?
9. What advice would give to someone who wants to venture into blogging?
10. Your favorite food?
11. What do you hate most about your country?

Day 30. One Thing I am Excited For.

Finally the challenge is over, why can’t I be excited? Of course I am. It has been a tough month but I thank God for this far.

As we start a new month am looking for new opportunities and fresh challenges and I hope I will conquer them. The challenge kept me on toes until I lost my phone. I am excited because during this challenge I shard my personal life in details something I can’t share verbally with random people. This platform offers the space to share your feelings and as you punch in the keys you feed in all the emotions and let go of all that you’ve been keeping inside you. I got relieved after sharing every part of my personal life and for once, I am feeling good about it. Anyone who doesn’t know me in person can drop here and read all about me in one sitting. That’s why we write, not for others but for ourselves. When I am sad I write, when happy I write.

I want to capture all the beautiful and the sad moments in the earth and live fully knowing that this is a magical and wonderful place. It was also during this challenge that I learnt so many things . I always say learning is a continuous process. You don’t have to sit in class in order to learn. You can learn from anywhere provided you have the right attitude to do so. Sometimes I had to research well in my topic and as you dig down on research you learn as well. Things I didn’t know or those that I thought didn’t matter, I found it hard to believe that I had to write about them. I have 100% honesty in the posts that required something personal. Being honest about yourself and your story can be so good and one feels satisfied after such tasks. I always felt good about myself after writing about my personal life and I am excited about that.

To my challenger,http://j4min.wordpress.com thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my stories throughout the month. I am looking forward to the next challenge not personal though. This was a tough one and it has been 30 days of hell fire for me but thank God I managed to complete it. It’s been wonderful writing regularly and I don’t know if i’ll keep up with this consistency but never mind, there is always a way.

Lastly ,to my wonderful readers, thank you for always reading and getting to know me better. I remember one time when I was still new around here, a writer asked me to write about myself so that other writers and readers could know the person behind the blog well and I promised to do that but sill couldn’t get enough words to describe myself in the ABOUT ME Page. So here is an answer to her, if she reads the 30 day challenge she will get all her answers. Back to you again, thank you for being there for me during this month and I won’t forget about your feedback. They kept me going and physically I met guys who could talk about what they read in my blog and how they relate with them . Even though they don’t comment , they are among those who just read and reflect. That’s special you know, they just read. You won’t find a trace of their readership e.g a comment or a like but when you meet them, they tell you that they’ve been reading everyday and are up to date with the latest posts. Oh! and the friends that could tell me to share my links with them on the Dm, you are loved. Receive warm hugs from me even though I can’t reach you now because am not in whats-app, I know you’ll get to read this somehow .I appreciate all those who read daily, those who encouraged me to keep on, those who liked, those who followed and your honest comments, God bless you. During this time I also got new readers and new followers, thank you so much for hitting that follow button. It means a lot to me and you’ll never regret it.

As we start a new month tomorrow , I wish you all the best in whatever you are doing. We will be having a holiday here so no work tomorrow. I’ll just be lazing around.

Thank you so much guys , God bless you and have a wonderful month ahead.

Day 29. The night of my 21st Birthday.

There is nothing good about my 21st birthday, nothing at all as far as I can remember. It was during those tough moments that I was struggling to mend ways to integrate with everyone. I could smile at school but cry when am back home in my closet.

I am one person who doesn’t fancy birthdays. I’d rather just sit somewhere alone and reflect on my life and not disclose to anyone my whereabouts. People always get excited when they start their early 20’s and such should be the case. There was nothing to be excited about on my end. I kept it to myself. I had quarreled with everyone back home and was in a very bad mood. I knew it was my birthday the day before but after losing my temper on the d-day while on phone with random relatives, I lost it all. Everything changed at that moment and I switched off my phone not to be disturbed by anyone or receive birthday wishes. In fact, I had no friends at that time. One thing I find difficult is to make new friends. I could be smiling and chatting with you everyday but that doesn’t mean we are friends. It takes time for me to confide to someone and call them friends. I was in that house alone , angry at the world and the worst being that it was on my birthday.

At around 8:00 pm I went to buy alcohol for myself to relieve my pain and forget about everything. I enjoyed it alone and undisturbed . Good thing with me is that I could buy alcohol and drive myself home so that I take it where I won’t disturb other people. When I get drunk then it will be in my house and will just wake up the next day. That’s how I was. That’s history now, I don’t drink anymore.

Back to the night, I didn’t know what happened next after getting drunk in my room . I just woke up with a serious headache the following morning and that was it. I didn’t celebrate it. No cake, no Friends, no relatives , no boyfriend, no nothing, just me and myself.

Solitude.

She is sitting at the furthest corner of the room.

With her eyes filled with gloom.

I’m secretly observing her.

Even though I don’t want to let her know that am watching her,

I am sure she is going through a process, probably a phase.

I can’t understand because she doesn’t want to be disturbed.

All she want is her space,

A space of her own self where she can think things through and make the right choices.

Where no one can disturb her .

Solitude is what she seeks .

Perhaps she’ll have a peace of mind after all these.

Let me let her be for now.

by @nicolejoanblog

Day 28. A Word/phrase that I use constantly.

This is easy. It happens when am referring to myself when sharing an idea or a story on a subject matter . I oftenly use the word, I . You’ll notice this because I like referring to my own version of the story, my own perspective and what I think of the matter at hand. I will always come first.

Day 27. What I wore Today

It’s Monday and even though am writing this for the day in question, I can’t write it in past tense so i’ll be updating on what am currently putting on.

Mondays and any other week-day is supposed to be official for those of us in such jobs.

So today am very much official from head to toe rocking on a chiffon blouse and a skirt with a pair of closed shoes.

That’s all, I think. Hmmm.

Day 26. Things I’d Say to an Ex

Hello Readers. Hope you are doing well as we start a new week. How was your weekend? Mine was okay. I was in the house having some “me time”. The challenge for today is on things I’d say to an ex. I’ll summarize the things i’d say to not just one ex but all of them, don’t worry about how many they might be. Ready to ride with me? Lets go.

• You made me learn so much . I have never found someone that matches your brevity. You taught me many things that I could never learn on my own even with my relatives around and all that in a strange city.How you told me to kiss with my eyes closed so that I concentrate on it heartily because when I open my eyes while kissing, the concentration won’t be there as my mind would be wandering around. I might even see someone I know and then stop in the middle of a kiss. Very funny but that’s how courageous and bold you’d get when you tell me things I didn’t know. Perhaps it was your maturity that made you bold as I was still young in love and naive , Gosh.
• I was not ready. You were too quick and rushed things when all felt strange to me. I couldn’t cope with that and above all you were very temperamental. Everything I said got you annoyed . Oh! and you were very jealous. You wanted to know my whereabouts and everything in was doing . I couldn’t stomach such behaviour that’s why I had to call it quits in a short period of time.
• You were too proud and Arrogant. Even though we shared common things , your pride was worse. You Kept boasting about this and that and even became too arrogant to be told anything. I couldn’t tolerate it that’s why I walked away.
• You are such a darling. You loved sincerely and we didn’t know at what point we had fallen in love. You were thoughtful of what you’d say to me. You introduced me to your family members something am still glad about since you were the only one who made the effort to introduce me to a real family not of sister or uncle . A real one with parents and siblings. It take guts to do that. I still can’t believe it. Your siblings loved me except your younger sister. That girl was so stubborn if it was in another world different from love world I could have disciplined her with a slap everytime she looked at me like that. All your close friends became my friends too. We were from different worlds, in terms of religion but love knows no boundaries. It cuts across. You remember the first time I told you that I’ve never been to that particular beach and would wish to go someday and you took the initiative to take me there. I felt like I had won lottery. I even mingled with the mijikenda so well and learnt more on the nine tribes it’s made up of. I learnt how to differentiate them through the language they use . All thanks to you and your friends. I met you during holidays and didn’t know much about you but just got attracted to you, only to realise that you were still in school and I was ahead of you. That alone had put me in a very awkward position as I couldn’t believe it. Even though we were of the same age , the idea that I was ahead of you in education couldn’t make me be at peace. When I moved from that residential area , I walked out on that relationship as well and you never heard from me. Am sorry.
• I have no words for you. If you’ll be reading this , I know you’ll realise am talking about you. Am sure you’ll see the heading of the blog and will rush here within seconds. You made me cry like a baby,I have never cried that way for a man. I’ve been heartbroken before and I was the one walking away and not vice- versa. You went silent on me. At one point, I thought I was forcing myself on you. You couldn’t answer me when I asked you that question . I gave my tender heart to you and you crushed it mercilessly and all that via text message. Nothing breaks the heart like a text break-up. And what did you say? That may be I expected much from you and you were not giving it and that you were confused? What kind of joke is that? After being with you for that while, I least expected such words to come from your mouth. May be I deserved better because I just wanted someone to hold on, a shoulder I could cry on and someone who I could share my pain with but you refused that. I even did your laundry something i’ve never done to anyone before because we had a future together and had beautiful dreams of a small family with a beautiful girl as you said that you wanted to have a daughter. Even though I wasn’t ready for a child at that time, it was a beautiful music to my ears and I held on to it. All these just became fantasy when you trashed my heart. You made me see love as a joke and have never believed in it ever since. I hope you are happy now. I Know You are Not.

I still talk to some of them when I meet them. Maturity calls for such. I can’t get annoyed even though we were hurt before. Greetings and some nice talk here and there ,then go our ways. Some are my friends on social media and we interact as if nothing happened. Everyone is on their own moving on swiftly. I’ve never met some though. I wonder how they are fairing. I hope they are okay and happy. What else can one wish for if not a happy life?